Solace
by StellaEllaOla
Summary: solace: noun comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness...In the aftermath of Spector's attack, Stella takes refuge in Dani's presence.


**A/N:** After burying my post-finale feelings deep, I couldn't shake off my pain at Spector's attack. My love for Stella is immense and I just wanted to crawl into my screen and hold her and protect her from anything that would hurt her. (honestly I know she's fierce but everyone needs comfort)

Because I was unable to protect her (or hug her or hold her or...) I decided Dani could do it for me. And thus, this idea was born.

It took me awhile but here it is. Forgive me if it's cheesy or out of character, I just desperately needed to comfort Stella.

 **Disclaimer:** Do we still need these? It's been awhile. Anyhow, I don't own these characters or profit off of them. (If I did there would have been more gay shit going down)

* * *

She should have known. She should have expected it. Her words had been intended to provoke him, to anger him, to cause him to blow his cover, so to speak. And she could see in his face that she had succeeded. But she had been smug, as she could be sometimes, and didn't foresee the risk to herself. Or to Anderson. God, poor Anderson. Stella hadn't anticipated Spector's brutal rage towards to her to explode out of him as it did. She had turned and before she could even register his presence he had hit her. Hard. And he had continued to attack her. It became blurry after that, her presence of mind made fuzzy by pain and overwhelmingly by fear. When Tom had gently tried to check her condition, she had feebly tried to protect herself, terrified as she was.

As the doctor's gentle hands touched her face, prodding carefully for fractures and injuries, these thoughts were whirling through Stella's mind. Why had she felt the need to provoke him? Had Spector's act of compliance gotten to her? She had undoubtedly let her guard down and she mentally berated herself for it. Her unprofessionalism had allowed Spector a vantage point and had resulted in further damage to Anderson's already injured arm. And her own injuries of course, but she was less concerned with herself than she was with the future of her colleague's career.

"Lie back please," Dr. O'Donnell instructed. Stella complied, grateful that the doctor on call had been someone she had at least recognized. Someone who had known Spector and what he was capable of. There was no condescending pity, no recognition of weakness on her part. There was concern and there was sympathy, but Stella appreciated the lack of male overprotectiveness that she had expected to be present.

As Stella lay there, waiting for the nurse to clean her face the events came rushing back at her. The feeling of the first blow. The utter terror which had gripped her. Had she been in a position to fight back, Stella wasn't sure she would have been able to. In the face of the pure hell that was Spector's fury, she had nearly frozen. He had been her tormentor in nightmare upon nightmare, visiting her in her sleep more and more frequently with increasingly violent intentions. This had been her nightmare made real, only there was no awakening. No dream journal in which to pour out her fear. It had happened, it was reality. The blood, _her_ blood, on her face proved it.

The wave of emotion that Stella was trying to tamp down threatened to overwhelm her. She clenched her teeth and breathed deeply; she could not cry. To cry in this situation would only concede her defeat, would indicate Spector's victory. She would not grant him the privilege of her tears. She could not. Piece by piece as the nurses worked around her, Stella picked up her bloodied armour and began to reconstruct her wall, to rebuild her "strength" to which she desperately clung. The tears receded. She was Stella the strong, Stella the brave, Stella the unmovable once again.

* * *

Stella sat in quiet companionship with Dr. O'Donnell. For someone she didn't know well, she found she had a surprising amount of trust in him. He was a straightforward man who had a kindness deep in him akin to her own. It was unlike her to be so open, but she felt incredibly alone. The terror she had experienced in the interview room was barely hidden away, ready to attack her should she let her guard down. She felt vulnerable. The company was welcome, as was the conversation. It distracted her from dwelling in her own head, as she knew it was meant to. In front of her fellow officers or her subordinates Stella felt the need to appear formidable and unaffected, but in front of this relative stranger she felt she could let her guard down. When Eastwood had left, asking if she needed anything she had desperately wanted to request for someone to stay with her. Dani perhaps, or Gail. A part of her had wanted to ask to contact Reed. What she needed was to not be alone right now. But that would be perceived as weakness. Her weakness and femininity had already been boldly displayed and violated by Spector's attack and her inability to defend herself. There was no need to display even more of it. And so, she had replied that she didn't need anything other than a change of clothing in the morning. The presence of another human, even this man, was a comfort.

As they sat in a lull between questions, there was a timid knock at her door and it cracked open.

"Yes?" Dr. O'Donnell called out. "Can we help you?"

The door opened further and Stella felt an immense wave of relief. Dani Ferrington awkwardly stepped through the doorway and shut the door behind her. She was dressed in casual clothing, leggings and a hoodie with no makeup whatsoever, a detail which did not escape Stella.

"Sorry to interrupt sir, ma'am," Dani said softly.

"That's no worry," Dr. O'Donnell replied. "We're just talking nonsense to keep each other entertained."

"Dani, why are you here at this hour?" Stella questioned Dani. As much as she was glad to see a trusted and familiar face, she didn't want to appear so. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Dani responded. "Nothing's wrong. We were at the office later than usual today dealing with…well, with what happened. And then when I got home I couldn't sleep. So…" Dani petered off.

"There was no need for you to come all the way here." Stella said. "I'm fine."

"I wanted to come see you earlier ma'am, but with Anderson and you…anyhow and with all the commotion I couldn't get away." Dani paused as if wanting to say something, but struggling with how to word it. Stella waited patiently, aware of Dr. O'Donnell quietly observing their interactions.

"I thought someone should be with you." Dani managed.

"That's kind of you," Stella countered. "But not necessa- "

"With all due respect ma'am," Dani cut in. "It is. I didn't want…you shouldn't have to be alone after _that_. I watched the tape." She paused, shuddering.

"I wish you hadn't," Stella sighed. Really, all this worry for her.

"How could I not? Everyone was all worked up about it and I was worried." Dani went quiet. "He could have killed you." She reached out and slipped her hand into Stella's.

"I think he intended to," Stella agreed, acutely aware of Dani's thumb smoothing the skin over the back of her hand. It was soothing. "He would have if no one had stopped him."

"Anyhow…like I said ma'am, I didn't want you to be alone. And I brought your dream journal from your office. I thought you might need it. Tonight, of all nights"

"Thank you," Stella sighed. Just the presence of the journal, whether she would need it or not, was reassuring. It smacked of normalcy. Dani glanced up, worry clear across her brow. Stella smiled softly, trying to reassure. She was rewarded by a smoothing of Dani's forehead and a twitch of her lips.

Dr. O'Donnell cleared his throat, reminding the two women of his presence. "Well," he said as he stood and stretched. "If I don't get back the wife will be worried. Thank you for the chat, Stella."

"Thank you for the company," Stella replied.

The doctor nodded at her, then at Dani. "Good night." And stepped out through the door.

* * *

As he walked down the hallway he smiled to himself. Stella would be fine now.

He agreed with the redheaded woman that Stella had called Dani. He didn't want Stella to be alone either. But Stella reminded him enough of his sister for him to know that, even if she didn't want to be alone, she would never let on. She wore a suit of armour which couldn't afford to be damaged by any more shows of vulnerability than had already occurred. To need another person was a hard thing for her to admit. His excuse of avoiding morning feedings had been true, but he would have stayed regardless of whether there were 5 youngsters awaiting him at home.

When Dani had entered, he had watched the interactions between he two women with interest. There was a friendship for certain, a sort of bond, and…something between them. Trust. Stella's reaction had been visible, at least to him. She had immediately been more at ease. And he had known that Dani's presence would help Stella more than his own could, so he made his escape.

She would be alright now.

* * *

Stella and Dani remained in comfortable silence for a moment, Dani's thumb continuing its path back and forth across the back of Stella's hand.

"Sit down?" Stella queried, gesturing at the chair Dr. O'Donnell had just vacated. Dani responded by wordlessly pulling the chair up to the beside and settling into it. She slipped her hand back into Stella's, her eyes trained on their intertwined fingers.

Stella waited for whatever Dani to say whatever she was clearly thinking. When it didn't come, she prompted her. "What? Surely you didn't come all this way at 3 am just to deliver my journal."

Dani immediately looked up, straight at Stella. "You scared the fuck out of me."

Whatever Stella had expected as a response, that certainly wasn't it. Before she could say anything, Dani continued.

"Fuck Stella." Dani withdrew her hand and dragged them both down her face. "I was working at the office and McNally comes in saying Spector had attacked you and Anderson and that two ambulances had been called. No one seemed to be able to tell me what state you were in and everyone was shaken up and on edge and I just…" She petered out, drawing a deep shuddering breath. She returned her gaze to Stella who was waiting patiently and attentively. "I was scared. They told me you were alright, but I was fucking terrified."

Dani blinked hard, trying to remove the moisture that had gathered in her eyes. She rested her chin in her hands and sighed deeply, trying to bring herself under control again. "I didn't want you to be alone. No matter what they said you wanted. _I_ needed to make sure you weren't alone."

Stella chose not to mention that fact that Dani had just referred to her by her given name and reached out to touch Dani's hand. Dani relinquished it to Stella's grip, placing her other hand over top of Stella's. Stella squeezed Dani's hand reassuringly. "I'm okay. I'm fine. I'll be out of here tomorrow morning."

"Are you sure?" Dani countered, looking Stella in the eye with a piercing gaze that made Stella feel as if perhaps she had missed a piece when she had reconstructed the armour around herself.

"The doctor said so." Stella replied, knowing that wasn't quite what Dani had been getting at.

"That's not what I meant."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Stella said firmly. _Keep that door shut Stella. Don't let it open._ "I'm completely fine."

Dani moved suddenly and perched on the edge of the bed. She reached out tentatively with a hand and traced the edge of Stella's face, stopping tenderly at the abrasions she found there. "You're not." She said gently, hand moving to tuck a strand of blond locks behind Stella's ear.

 _No, no, no._ Stella closed her eyes and breathed deeply, attempting to repair the wall that Dani had just destroyed. Trying to stuff all the emotions and thoughts, all the fear and pain, all the anger back into the box she had constructed for it. She couldn't let him have this, let him do this to her. She wouldn't, she…

"Stella." Dani said softly.

And it all came tumbling out. With one word, said just so, everything came rushing back to Stella in a tidal wave of reality. Spector had attacked her. Hurt her. Beat her. And she had been more terrified than she had ever been in her life. She had never felt so vulnerable and afraid of the world around her. Stella quickly pulled her hands back from Dani and covered her face, futilely trying to contain the emotion that was overwhelming her. The tears came anyway, silently trailing down her face.

" _Oh_ ," Dani exhaled. Stella felt her shift closer and bring her hands to Stella's shoulders to caress her arms soothingly. One hand strayed to her hair and gently stroked. It was all too much. Everything was too much. The first sob was almost painful. It forced its way out of Stella's chest and opened the floodgates.

"There you go," Dani murmured softly. "Let it wash away." She moved again and placed a hand on Stella's back where it comforted with a slow back-and-forth movement. Dani started slightly in surprise when Stella's hands came up grasping to pull her closer, then relaxed as the older woman buried her face in Dani's shoulder.

Crying was not something Stella was ever ashamed of; emotion was not a weakness. But this had felt different. She had needed to show how unaffected she was by this attack, whether that was true or not. She wasn't sure why. Dani though, didn't require this front. Stella trusted her too much.

She wrapped her arms around Dani, tightening her hold on the redheaded woman, on reality, on herself. Dani embraced Stella in response and gently stroked her hair, humming soft words of comfort. Crying was a relief, a release of the tension. As scared as she had been to face it, Stella was thankful; she would feel much better after these tears. Long overdue tears, full of the pain, fear, and sadness that this case had brought.

The sobs and tears and overwhelming waves of emotion gradually slowed, but Stella made no move to change her position. This was the safest, the most comfortable she had felt since Spector had assaulted her, possibly even since she had taken this case. Dani didn't move either except to protectively press her lips to Stella's hair. They sat in an embrace quietly for several moments, Stella loathe to give up the temporary shelter she had found in the younger woman.

Dani broke the silence. "Not to be rude ma'am," she said ruefully. "But my foot is falling asleep."

Stella chuckled, the mood feeling lighter already, and pulled back. Dani straightened the leg that had been tucked underneath her and wiggled her foot around. "Thank you, ma'am."

"And thank you." Stella replied, wiping her face with the sheet from her bed.

Dani simply smiled and nodded. "My mother always said a hug and a cry could do wonders in the way of fixing just about anything."

"A wise woman." Stella settled back into the hospital bed. She felt less vulnerable, less anxious, less everything that she had been trying to hide behind a mask of okay. More at peace. More relaxed. The attack had not gone away and would not do so easily. It most likely never would, but it seemed more surmountable now. And sleep seemed achievable which Stella considered a blessing. She was exhausted.

"Mmm," Dani hummed in the form of a noncommittal reply. Seeming uneager to pursue the topic of mothers, she asked "Is it-would it be alright if I stayed with you?"

Stella filed the issue of mothers away for later discussion and replied. "Please."

Dani grinned and promptly slipped off her sneakers and curled up in the chair next to the bed. "I'm not sure what sort of company I'll make. At this hour of the night I'm liable to say anything, but I promise to shut up when you tell me to."

"I think you mean 'this hour of the morning'," Stella replied jokingly. "And if it's all the same to you, I wouldn't mind trying to get at least a couple hours of sleep."

"I wouldn't object to that," Dani agreed.

Stella closed her eyes. Sleep would be elusive but she felt it would not be unattainable. Before she began to feel sleepy however, she wanted to know something. After several minutes of silence, she asked, "Tell me about your mother."

Dani's silence made Stella wonder momentarily whether the redhead possessed the ability to fall asleep at a moment's notice, but then she heard Dani shift in her chair. "She was always supportive of me. Whoever I wanted to be, whatever I wanted to achieve in life; she let me dream. She was empathetic." Dani paused. "She was stubborn to a fault. A sore loser. Competitive. Told bad jokes to anyone who would listen. She sang all the time, even though she really couldn't hold a tune." Dani stopped again.

"Was?" Stella prompted quietly.

Dani cleared her throat. "Umm... she uh… passed away nine months ago. Ovarian cancer." She cleared her throat again.

Stella wordlessly held out a hand towards the younger woman. After a moment, Stella felt Dani's fingers slip between hers. "I'm sorry."

Dani squeezed Stella's hand in silent response.

They sat together in silence, hand-in-hand, until sleep finally dragged them both under.

* * *

Stella awoke with a start, sitting up in bed and flailing desperately in an frantic attempt to throw off the blankets trapping her. Her breathing was heavy and a sheen of sweat covered her skin. The terror of the dream faded as she gradually came back to full awareness, but only just.

Dani immediately woke beside her, lifting her head from where she had rested it on the bed and reached out for Stella. "You're alright, you're safe," she comforted, hands calming with care-filled touches. "It was a dream. I'm here, he can't hurt you, no one can. You're safe."

Stella grabbed one of Dani's hands between her own and clung to it as she focused on slowing her breathing and becoming aware of her surroundings. She centred herself in the feeling of Dani's hands and the bed beneath her. In the sound of Dani's voice and the sound of her own breathing. In the smell of soap and hospital antiseptic. With one more deep breath, Stella silently leaned over and retrieved the dream journal Dani had thoughtfully placed on the table beside her bed. She opened it to the next page, marked with her pen, and wrote down the dream.

As she wrote, Dani stayed on the edge of the bed with a hand on Stella's knee. Patiently waiting for Stella to jot down whatever horror it had been that had woken her. Stella hated the words she wrote. She hated how many times Spector's name appeared in the journal, a testament to how deeply he had infiltrated her life. She hated how frequently she had been using the diary. She could barely remember the times between cases, when life had returned to normal and nights would pass without dreams. And when the dreams did come, they were pleasant. Of course, the horrible ones didn't stop; they never did and never would. But Stella was tired of all of these bad dreams. With a firm placement of a period and a resolute closing of her book, Stella turned and replaced the diary on the table.

"Want to talk about it at all?" Dani asked. "Not that you have to, but my…my mother always said it helped."

"Thank you for the offer," Stella replied, not unkindly. "But I'd rather not."

Dani nodded understandingly. "Can't say as I blame you."

They sat for a couple of heartbeats, Dani's hand still firmly on Stella's knee.

"What time is it?" Stella inquired.

"About quarter past five I think," Dani answered. "Still enough time for more sleep."

Stella nodded.

The silence prevailed until Dani opened her mouth, hesitating before asking, "Would you like another hug?"

Stella breathed out through her nose and smiled. In lieu of words, she brought her arms up for the offered embrace. Two hugs in one night, she thought. This must be some sort of record. As she settled into the arms of the younger woman with a sigh, she made a resolution to try to hug women more often. She had almost forgotten how healing it could be to feel someone who cared about you and your well-being simply hold you.

They sat, curled together, on the bed. Stella's head on Dani's shoulder. Dani's hand on Stella's hair. Stella's hands locked around Dani's waist. Dani's lips pressing a chaste kiss to Stella's temple. It was otherworldly, so far removed from everything that had been going on in their lives. They were creating their own haven.

"Is your foot alright?" Stella inquired quietly.

"Yes, thank-you." Dani replied.

"You're rocking."

"Am I?" Dani asked with a chuckle. "Sorry."

"It's alright."

Stella turned her nose into the crook of Dani's neck. Dani laid her cheek on Stella's head.

"Hold me?"

Dani's rocking stilled, the question evidently catching her by surprise. "Alright."

Stella withdrew from the embrace and moved over in the hospital bed. Dani pulled back the covers and awkwardly climbed under them. The two women moved around until they were both comfortable, Dani letting Stella chose how close they would be to each other. Stella could tell she had thrown the other woman off with her request, but Dani didn't seem to mind. They finally settled with Stella in Dani's arms, head nestled on the redhead's shoulder.

"Is this alright?" Stella asked.

"Yes," Dani answered. "This is quite alright."

The two women lay together, still and comfortable, in the tiny bubble they had created for themselves. As far as Stella was concerned, at the moment all that existed was her and Dani. And that was just fine and dandy. Nothing else was needed. She almost wanted to call in sick and stay in this bed, in the safety of Dani's arms for the rest of the day. Hell, for the rest of the week. It had been so long, so long since she had been held like this and the ability of this embrace to shut out the horror of Paul Spector amazed her.

It was true that Stella often pursued physical intimacy with people she found attractive, regardless of gender. But that physical intimacy was rarely intimate and was mostly just physical. She found men easier to bring to her bed, but trusted them less. Men were good when she wanted sex. Women though, women were softer. She turned to women when she needed sex, yes. But women were where she could find care, love, intimacy, tenderness. Stella never let men hold her after sex; she rarely even let them stay. But women were different. After being with a women, Stella was much more likely to sleep together, have breakfast, maybe even keep in touch. Not always though, especially when she was feeling stressed or vulnerable. She had the habit of cutting herself off from the support she needed at the times that she most needed it. And it felt like a lifetime since she had been with a woman; she hadn't felt a woman's arms around her for months.

Laying here with Dani like this was a breath of fresh air. She felt safe, secure, stable. She felt cared for, protected. Loved. All of a sudden, Stella felt moved. Tears escaped her eyes, catching her off guard as she found herself crying again. Dani noticed the shift in Stella's breathing and gently began stroking her hand up and down Stella's back. She turned her head and pressed her lips to Stella's hair in a gentle kiss. The affection of this gesture spurred on more quiet tears from Stella. She had forgotten what it felt like to feel so close, so intimate. To feel like someone cared about her like this. Sometimes she forgot how lonely she really was.

"There you go," Dani murmured, her hands still soothing, caressing. "Let it go." She tightened her grip on Stella ever so slightly. "You're alright, you're safe. No one can hurt you now. I'm here and I won't let them."

Stella laughed through her tears at the blatant protectiveness in Dani's tone and in her words. She turned her face into Dani's chest ever so slightly, and settled further into her embrace. "Thank-you."

Dani smoothed her hand over Stella's hair. "Of course."

"No," Stella continued. "Thank-you for everything. For your friendship and support. For coming here. For this. All of it."

"I know," Dani replied. "Thank-you for letting me help you."

Stella smiled into Dani's shirt. The younger women smelled slightly fruity, possibly from shampoo. It was a nice change from the overpowering hospital scent. The tears had stopped and Stella closed her eyes. She was bone tired and wished she could just sleep soundly for about twelve hours straight. That wouldn't be an option, she knew. In a few hours she would wake up, get discharged, and return to work. But for the time being she could forget about work. She could exist here in this fruit-scented universe with Dani's warmth underneath her cheek.

"Are you alright?" Dani inquired softly. Kindly.

"I'm just fine," Stella replied warmly and wrapped her arm more firmly around Dani. She could get used to this.

And so the two stayed for the rest of the night. Wrapped around each other protectively. Not bothered by the outside world or concerns of their lives. Just them. Holding each other until first Dani, then Stella dropped off into sleep. Sleeping soundly, unbothered by nightmares, by thoughts, by real life. Until morning came and reality came knocking, they existed here. In this room. In an entire world contained by one hospital bed and two people finding solace in each other.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment. I welcome feedback :)


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